Leviticus 19:18 (KJV)
Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I [am] the LORD.
And…
James 5:9 (KJV)
Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door.
At the start of this tour of the South West I was at a desperate place and needed to hear God!
I didn’t plan to spend this week in my Tarago van, it just happened.
God basically drove me into the wilderness..literally! And in the wilderness there are wild beasts and temptations.
But the Lord is with me of that I was not so sure.
One day this week I heard the Spirit say “You hold grudges”. O boy!! Do I ever! But I had not realised until he said that how pervasive it was with me.
I began to repent and acknowledge that it is true. My goodness! It opened up a whole war front that my flesh had allied itself with the Devil against my life.
To bear a grudge is to retain an ill feeling against someone or some thing whereas Love suffers long and is patient so the opposite is to hold or retain a person or group of people in a kind of mental box that you refuse to let them escape from.
Leviticus 19 above says we are not to avenge or bear any grudge against people… but to love them as you love yourself.
What if you do not love yourself?
What if you are bearing a grudge against yourself!?
This is what I was doing. I suspect I am not alone in this.
Accusation!
When we are not resting and receiving Jesus’grace the only other option is to strive and try to measure up by our own efforts. Of course we fail at this.When we fail over and over in our performance the demonic realm accuses us and name calls us in hope that we will speak these things over ourselves. At times it is like we are drowning in a sea of accusations. We dare not open our mouth in case we speak in line with the evil one AGAINST ourselves!
Once we do speak these condemning and judgemental things over ourselves a grudge is forming. It is like we are building our own prison cell around us with our tongue. The result is that we are now hating ourselves and therefore cannot love others as we love ourselves because we do not love ourselves!!!!
We loath our self! But we go on pretending all is well. “This is our battle” we reason.The truth is that it is not something to battle by trying not to do it rather it is a matter of acknowledging we do do it.
After that truth telling we can draw near to God for now we are no longer double minded.
To be twin souled or double minded is to live out of the natural mind and the spiritual mind in a kind of back and forth argument within ourselves. Because we hold a grudge against ourself we cannot abide or rest in the spiritual mind for long because the accusations, like a poison dart work to abort any inroads by your spirit to lead the way.
Because we have spoken against our spiritual life claiming (pressured by the demonic realm)that “it is useless to try to follow Jesus” we are stuck in a hellish place of torment not able to receive anything from the Lord..especially His grace and love..the things we so desperately need!
Do not avenge yourself on YOURSELF! Do not self SABOTAGE yourself! Stop it!!!
This big demonic rock that blocks us up and stops us receiving Jesus’ love and grace goes away when we admit that we cannot please God in any way by trying. That we need Jesus SO MUCH every moment.
It goes away and dissolves as we admit these things and release ourselves from all grudges WE have held against ourselves.
Jesus is so patient and kind that he keeps NO record of wrong in his mind about you. He does not hate you or think less of you because of your inability. Instead he highly exalts you and thinks the world of you!
It grieves him greatly when we do not love ourself. Of course if we have a grudge against ourselves then it follows that we ALSO have a grudge against God!After all He made us didn’t He!?He knew we would be failures and yet he called us to come to Jesus!?
Yes!
He knew.
That is why he put you to death on the cross in Christ and buried you in baptism with Christ. He did not call you because of anything you think was usable about yourself.
It is Christ in you that He has called.
So first of all friend…forgive yourself..forgive God too.. not that He has sinned but set God free from the Grudge you have had against Him. Then you will find that as you draw near to Him He will draw near to you. The rocks will be removed by the Spirit from your Well of Salvation so you can draw the water of life again and drink deeply of His grace again.
Once we have released God and our self from any grudge we have had AGAINST ourselves we need to do the same to all those “others” around us too.
It can be individuals, groups, Governments entities, whole nations, the Church, a church, a denomination, sporting teams, pets, Big Pharma, you name it we can be bearing or holding a grudge against all of them and more.
It works through fear and pride. It is a way to separate and distance yourself from being affected by that one or thing. You have built a barrier and now they cannot get the upper hand over you.
So you end up alone and dare not join any group or be too close to any person….that is why we hold grudges.
As I mentioned above Love of God is Patient and kind and does not keep or RETAIN any record of wrongdoing.
Speaking of Love
“ It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured.” 1Cor13:5 Amplified
Thus without love a person inevitably bears grudges for if you have no deep intimate knowledge of GOD’S love for YOU then you cannot love yourself.
You also cannot trust others if you have a love void in yourself. You cannot trust God either. You blame Him. You fear Him.
Without God’s love you must protect yourself and look out for yourself. Self sufficiency.
You may try to preach but without love you are without power to back the words you speak.
So you are forced to admit you are a sham and must come face to face with Love Himself. Love must be received! And Love must be given only out from Love first received.
So here we are…
All eyes look expectantly to You Father…you alone are Love and you want for us to know your love ..to know YOU! Lord Jesus …King of Love…heal our hearts and pour in your oil of love.
We love because He FIRST loves us.
